Tales of A Lost Soul

~The ordeal of a Paladin Force...Verse Hachi~

I can hear them
Those words
Its been...127 days
55 days have passed since the last verse carved
Even more maybe...or less.
How they flew passed me...time...days.
Allow me to carve my feelings here

I know not where else to carve them
I feel like carving it here
Soredake.

Regrets, in these cold hands
Looking faraway
I feel lost often
Asking for guidance, always
Always...mayotte...
Yet, I do what I can first
Tis a start

Sometimes I wonder
What drove me to that insanity?
Why? Naze? How come?
Heh, at least I know...asking for reasons...
Its not actually a good thing to do.
Answers will descend when their time comes
Just like they were written.

Yet, I still sometime wonder
Though how pointless and futile it is
What drove me to be that berserker?
That selfish and idiotic beast?
Perhaps it is too early to grasp the answers now...
From deep within the tides of fate...
Or perhaps they were already presented in front of me...

Its just that...I am blinded...
By myself
My stupidity
By my impatience, immaturity and rash decisions.
Ah...this song...

The flowing petals
The green fields
The golden sands
Everything...will one day turn zero.
Chasing for these...is it not futile?
While you can chase something everlasting and infinite?
Its the toughest road, yes...but is it not worth it?

Rewind,
Interesting indeed...
For what I wish, is too far different from what I feel.
Is there a key missing?
Or are things hidden far beyond my sight?
Heh, I know not what is best for me.
Follow your gerak hati...ka...

~The ordeal of a Paladin Force...Verse Nana~

Heh...the beginning of the 55th day...
A nice number...a nice verse number as well...
So... what stories shall be told today?
We'll wait and see...
If there is written any...

*****

Heh...nanimonai...ka...
I knew it would be this way >.>
Ma, sore de ii...
Are dake...jyuubun...
Zetteini Wasurenai...
Ano toki.
Ano kagayaki.

~The ordeal of a Paladin Force...Verse Roku~

The stage is set
The key actors are in place
Soon the spark shall lit the fire
The play will start
What show will unfold before me?
How many will watch it?
As long as it ends what needs to be ended...sore wa jyuubunda...

Fufufu...my criptic language is spontaneous you know...
I don't do drafts
I simply type my heart out
Of course its possible to decode it
Anyways...let the show begin...its showtime.

Now...I will sit at the farthest VIP seat
And enjoy the drama that will reveal itself...
I wonder what has been written for me this time?
Hou...
Its been 36 days...

~The ordeal of a Paladin Force...Verse Go~

Heh...around 22 days...ka...
Not much...
And I'm already like this
I feel like crying
Yet my tears are all dried up since ways ago

So...just a mere glimpse
And I'm already this hectic
Like a shimmering diamond that glitters

Looks like I missed another Hikari entry...
Heh, my priorities are stirred like hell
Its...lonely
I'm tired of those mere acts to heal myself
The effects are temporary...very short even
The embracers? They're quite busy now...
I can't rely on them forever...

What now?
The pain grows...
Just a short view...
It triggered this drama
What next?

I'm already dried up of my spirit
Like a zombie...a walking corpse
Heck isn't that better?
Yare yare...
I am getting closer to him aren't I?
The pain brought me to the sanctuary,
So I could heal myself...

Then perhaps this IS the right choice
Heck what am I doing still dawdling whether it is right or wrong?
Weren't the dreams a good enough sign?
What of the uncontrollable thoughts?
Even during sacred times it came
Are they not enough?
Surely they are more than enough!

Then what am I doing here wondering?
An idiotic bastard...I am.
Then, what of the next step?
Perhaps I already am in the next step...
Ugh, playing defensive hurts...arghhhh!
How much longer must I stay put?
Heck how impatient I am...

It is this impatience that led on to this pain now
I must realize it! O imbecile me.
Patience...ka...
I wonder if I can stay sane and strong...
Well, if it is fated...we won't go anywhere...yes?

~The ordeal of a Paladin Force...Verse Yon~

Ugh...how long has this ordeal begun?
This is...the 17th day?
How time flies
Yet it felt longer
And yet, mada...tarinaidarou?

My focus on my daily things waver
Those things that keep me busy...
Only kept my arms moving
My inner self still stood there
In the past...and illusions

Is this...the flavour of life?

I...missed an entry on Hikari...
Just to record it happened...
And what more saddening...
Next week huh?
Will I go to where my heart desires?
Or will I follow the tides of these dreamers?
Heh, they are still sleeping...or am I the one?

Anyways, forget about it for now
Thats next week to think.
For now, I carve what I feel now here
Thanks...is that what I should say?
Though its lonely...for farewells...

Companions...isofons...
Ah...the blue waves
Another chance?

The pain is here again
Where have you been?
Ive not been able to contain kage because of your absence
How naive of me
How ironic
Needing someone else to be used for my own fight
It feels...wrong

Then again...
It does bring me closer to him, no?
Then is this the right choice?
The pain weighs more with every rune I inscribe
Has it been forgotten?
I hope so...
Tis much easier to forget, than to face ahead

Though I feel like facing rather than fleeing
But...there's no use fighting a battle you can't win, no?
Better retreat and regroup...
And rethink my strategy...
Heh...I smile as the pain grew
Its been a while, no? Dear pain...
Or have I gone adept to you. that I need a stronger you?

A stronger one really has appeared now
It hurts, yet enjoyable, no?
Somehow...its fun and...
Entertaining
I feel like letting this world go
And return to my own original existence
To grasp its true purpose

Heh...a voice that cannot reach?
How so maybe true
You grow stronger my dear pain?
You're welcome to do so
I'm quite bored already

Heh, kakattekoi
I need you anyway for my fight
More, more, more of this pain!
Heh, am I not a sadistic bastard?
As it was said by one of the embracers?
Maybe I am...
Heh, now what?

Saa na...my life goes on...

Hou...a healing force?
Bring it on
I'll go with it

Heh...I shouldn't bother...but I want to...sorry.
Heh, what am I doing?
This is my domain
As it is yours over there
Ugh...I'll stop here.

~The ordeal of a Paladin Force...Verse San~

This...was a past of today...no...yesterday
Now my mind is empty
With the task at hand
Here I am
To ease my mind
Or maybe
The opposite?

***

Every scene pains me
I'd better be off blinding myself
I know, its my fault
But...the guilt is too much to bare
Today...will be the 6th day of this ordeal

Heh, just six days
My soul is like a shrimp now
Then again, maybe its not 6 days
Rather...
Today will be like...the 8th day, no. 9th day.

The embraces heal me, yes
They bring me smiles
The reverse my aura
From down under
To higher sky
Floating
And carefree

I know, its my fault
I'm the villain
I'm selfish
I have no patience
It cannot be forced

***
And so my yesterday has been recorded
What lies today?
Saa na...

The five reasons have united
Its about time I go
The war awaits
Heh, it already began
Its about time I take my fights seriously

There's no reason to falter
No reason to give up
I need to fuel my heart
Those emotions will drive me
Master...allow me to do what I must

The battle awaits...ikuze!

~The ordeal of a Paladin Force...Verse Ni~

Its been...4 days
With today's end...
It'll be 5 days
I'm still alive
The pain is...unchanged

~The ordeal of a Paladin Force...Verse Ichi~

4 days has it been...
I'm still alive
Vaguely alive

But a slight light shimmered
I felt at ease for once, my heart rested
Though it was painful all the same
Still...it was a slight ease
To ease my ears with direct shines
Ah...how great it was
Float was casted over me instantly

And when I thought of quitting this ordeal
Ordeal of a Paladin Force...
The small glint of hope shone

There is still hope for this lost soul
To chase for what I was destined
Its a brand new breeze
That gives me the power
And so the ordeal continues...