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Member since 05/2005

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

~Everlasting Fight...Third Strike~

Ah...I'm losing my grasp of reason.
Madness ga...kuru.
Ugh...mou genkaika.
Iya, I must be strong.
Though this crazy cycle continues
I must fight on.
Sore shika...nai.

Ah, my rational mind wavers
My hands...heh tainted as always.
Yet I can still smile like this.
Heh... I wonder if I am still sane?
Perhaps its time to take a step back and enjoy the scenery.

Yeah, need a break.
Some rest.
A place for my wounds to heal.
For my mind to gaze into the wind.
For my heart to lie down peacefully.

Peace...perhaps a song of peace would do.
A song for comforting sorrow
To heal the pain of losing
To caress those streaming tears
To calm vengeance within.
To the place where stars fall...
We'll see each other again.

                 *****

I love you enough to let you go free
Motto...motto tsuyokunaru kara
Mamoritai...sono egao,
Tsuyoku
Tsuyoku.

                            

Thursday, September 20, 2007

~Utter Defeat...Verse Ichi...~

Heh, even under this holy moon shine...
When demons and beasts are chained and caged
Even under these conditions
Still I waver
Still I gave in
Still I lost my mind
Nasakenai...orette...yoweina...

Tsuyoku nare.
Its been countless losses already
The cycle continues...
Heh, I'm just a pitiful soul
Powerless to begin with.

Well, I'll give it my best shot.
Thats about the only thing I can do.
I'll limit myself.
So that I'll stay in control.
Guess I'll just keep on fighting...
With this fatigued mind, body, heart and soul...
Till I fall.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

~Everlasting Fight...First Strike~

This enemy is overwhelming
Its heavy,
Strong...
No, not again!
No!

I won't lose dammit!
Not one more!
Not even one more!
Never!
I won't betray the oath no more!
You won't get me this time!

Please let there be strength
Let there be spirit in this weak soul
To overcome the shadow running about
Heh, hehehe hahaha I've lost so many times its pathetic!
And I'm still alive, still here.

Will this ever end?
Argh, its so much to bear...
I'm dissipating, fading...
Will I maintain sanity?
How much longer can I stay sane?

I feel like feasting in the mountain of darkness
To savor the moment of pure darkness
My hands tremble in impatience.
Yet I know I must not...
"HOSHI!!!!!HOSHI!!!!!GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"
"HOLD OUT WHILE YOU CAN, I KNOW YOU'LL WAVER SOONER OR LATER"
"AND THEN I'LL DIVE IN WAHAGA!!!"

Ah, this does not look good.
What ever alternatives do I have?
Heh, thats suicide.
Maybe I should just drunk my self with that drug I usually take?
That'd probably do it...
And I lose my work...>_>
Ugh...hokano houhou wa nai no ka?

Must it be that?
Sigh...better than this...
Its not fool proof, but at least its something...
Rather than the vulnerable me now...
I'm shaking with fear...I can't keep it docile any longer than I have...

Heh, releasing it last night was a bad idea
Sending it back to its cage is a pain.
Look, its running rampant again.
I'm shouting like hell
I'm outta ideas already.

Argh I can't focus on work!
Cis, get outta here already dammit!
Go and disturb someone else for once.
Like thats possible...<_<
Mendokusei...

Argh, its time to fight again...
Might as well do it...
Or die...

Monday, May 21, 2007

~Kage:Aftermath...The stage within~

Cigol:Enough! This has gotten rather annoying.

Tsul: He's right...what are you dawdling for, loser?

Luos:What?

Cigol:Dear me, Can't you see that you are effecting us both? You're slowing me down.

Tsul:You're making my food tasteless every time I eat!This is getting annoying!

Cigol: Just let go of it already. How long do you want to hold it?

Tsul: Yes, forget about it, there's no need for it anymore. Its useless!

Luos:What? Let go of it? Heh...hehehehahahahamwahahahahahahahah
How can I let go of it? When its stuck to me? One with me? Apart of me?

Cigol: Nonsense! You'll find better parts, I can help you.

Tsul: True, true. I can help sniff out those tasties for you. Ehehehhehehhehe

Luos: Yeah right, find another...like I can SEE! You morons! Do I LOOK like I can see? Do I LOOK like I can smell? Do I LOOK like I can feel? You idiots! My senses are all zero! I can't feel a thing! Its numb...all numb and dark!

Tsul: No worries, we can help cover for you...all you need to do is say yes....fufufu...

Cigol: Seriously if you need anything I can help you with my great intellect, what other reason am I to exist? Just say the phrase...

Luos: Heh, you guys think its that easy to let go huh? Its not like I wanted to you know. Like you two said, there are better ones out there! But...I'm...I...I dunno damn it! I don't even know how to let go! Its like a curse! Everyday it appears! Its apart of me now....how can I kill myself?

Tsul: Arrrrrgh!!!You imbecile! You weakling! Just let it go! Kill yourself if you have to! You'll be born a new man! Greater and powerful than ever before, not like the worm you are know! You can soar! Just let it go!

Luos: No...no...how can I forget? How can I erase? I am powerless to do so!

Tsul: Ahhhhh! You weakling! You're getting on my nerves! Just let it go and let me taste my food like it was supposed to! Don't let your pitiful problem interrupt my feast! Arrrgh! I'll kill you, you idiot!

Cigol: Now, now, there's no need for bloodshed...you don't want us all to die now do you?

Tsul: But this damn brat is driving me mad!

Cigol: Relax, all we need is some time. Now, you know, I know, we know there are better ones we can find out there. The both of us already gave this one up. Its your turn next.

Luos: I'm not like you guys...I'm...me-

Tsul: We are you! And you are apart of us! Have you forgotten?

Cigol: I'm surprised at your level of idiocy to sunk so low...you forgot that we are one? How amusing...

Luos:No! No! Its not that I forgot, just...you know...you have your strengths and elements, I have mine....so maybe at this area I'm a bit slower than you guys.

Cigol: Regardless whether you are slow or not, you have to forget sooner or later. Don't drag us down together with you to your sea of sadness! I'm already losing half of my power!

Luos: Sorry...Its not like i wanted to drag you down...

Tsul: You're making my days grow more boring and dull! Would you just cast it away and return to your former self? Like old times...the three of us...together!

Luos: I wish I could...but...I...I don't know how...I CAN'T!!!

Tsul: Gahhh! You little brat! I'm already hungry for good food, and I don't want to taste another tasteless meal, its disgusting! I'm gonna make you forget, once and for all! Hand it over right now or I'll chop your hands off!

Luos: No! Over my dead body!

Tsul: Tch! Fine! Have it your way! I'll take it by force!

Cigol: Looks like it can't be helped...the kid needs some discipline. I'll just let you handle it.

Tsul: Here I come! Kono kutsou gaki!

Luos: Even if its you...I won't lose! No...I CAN'T lose!

***************************************************************************************************

Tsul: What the? When did he get so strong? I lost to this brat?

Luos: I told you.....I can't lose...

Cigol: You clearly lacked technique and strategy... now its my turn...I know its dirty...but it can't be helped...you must forget.

Luos: I wont!

***************************************************************************************************
Cigol: This is impossible...how could my superior techniques and intellect lose?

Tsul: Hehehe...you thinking what I'm thinking?

Cigol: He's exhausted...its a good chance...your power, my strategy.

Tsul: Sounds like a plan.

Luos: Nothing's gonna stop me! Even the two of you combined...I'll protect it till the end. I won't let go!

Cigol: Here I come.

Tsul: Lets party!!!!!!Gyahahahhahahahahahahahh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***************************************************************************************************
Cigol: No way...he wasn't this strong in the past...

Tsul: How did this weakling get such power? Damn it! This sucks!

Cigol: This certainly does...this doesn't look good...

Luos: You guys had enough?

Tsul: Really, tell me...what is so special bout THAT?

Cigol: Yes, and explain how you got so powerful as well.

Luos: Heh...special? I don't know myself...you guys know too...how long we searched since we were guided...since we were given the "true way"...we searched and searched...you guys know that feeling too, right?

Tsul: Gahh! The guidance crap again! You never let go of it do you?

Cigol: Continue.

Luos: Didn't you guys see it?

Tsul: See what? Are you not blind now?

Luos: Yes...I am blind now...thanks to it...

Cigol: It made you blind? How could it be possible? The both of us are fine...

Tsul: Heh, this guy's sensitive since he was born...what a wimp.

Luos: Not just blind...my senses...they suddenly stooped feeling...like they're numb...I can't feel anything else...but this.

Cigol: But how could it make you lose your senses...tis a mystery...and even with your blindness and dead senses...you still defeated us both...

Tsul: You overpowered us like we were worms...heh...this sucks...

Luos: I...only thought of holding it...never to let go...thats all...everything came into place after that...I wasn't thinking...I only held to it...closely.

Cigol: Seriously, you want to continue this journey while holding that burden on your shoulders? The probability of success is low you know...very low...

Luos: I know...but if I let go...I think that..I won't be me anymore.

Tsul: Seriously, I'm already smelling better food than that...you still stubborn?

Luos: Yeah...its very important to me.

Cigol: My, my, were getting dragged into a lot of trouble just for that...

Tsul: Oh boy...more tasteless food...well, you kicked us both, hard...guess your the boss now.

Cigol: I don't want to admit it...but I guess I have to bow to you...since I lost to you too...

Luos: So you guys are gonna help me?

Tsul: Like I have a choice...

Cigol: Only idiots would refuse you...

Luos: Heh...guess its decided then...we're going to continue our journey. While holding it close to us.

Cigol: What is so special about it anyway? I sense nothing out of the ordinary...

Tsul: Yeah, I don't see anything too delicious...

Luos: Can't you guys see it? The hikari we've been searching for all this time? Its right here.

Tsul & Cigol: !!!!!








Monday, April 30, 2007

~Struggle...Verse jyuuichi.~

The cycle resets
Once the seal is broken
What a difficult task for me
To seal the darkness back in
The assaults kept coming

If, it ever reached a point that it was sealed...
Which is very rare...
It'll be calm...for a few days the most.

The the dark torrents come yet again
Shaking the stand of this weak soul
Whats a weak and lost soul to do?
Succumb? Fight? Ask for aid?
Heh, that medicine would surely work...
But the journey to attain that medicine
The pure sacred way...is also difficult...and lies ahead...not here...

At least...thats what I think...unless something unexpected was written
Haha...yeah the sea of inner tears work well too...
But to go back to that me I was...might prove difficult...
And troublesome to some...the setting now forbids...perhaps.
Again...what can I do?
Fight? My will needs training to fight.
I can only...ask for help...

The chains...ties...
Countlessly broken...
And built again...
Will this cycle continue?
For how long?

Saturday, April 28, 2007

~Struggle...Verse jyuu~

Ugh...alone in the dark
With no light shining from the outside
My kage grows
As I hear you sing with your sisters
I still have some sense in me

But...I know not how long I will last
I'll hold on to this oath
Even if it will destroy me
I'll give my life for it
Now, the struggle continues...

Heh, can THAT radiance help?
It proved useful in the past
Though I need to dive again into that sea of sorrow
Then dive, if it helps me in my fight...ka...
That sounds reasonable...

But, with all that has been done...
To set myself back onto that sea again...
It will be difficult...
Manipulative...ka...
Heh, I have not the heart for it...
If not, many things I've already did, yes?
Ugh, the burden of this kage grows!

This soul weakens
With the broken chains of the oath
Can it be merged again?
Thats not the main important point
Something much greater lies above it
So...what can I do? I'll only do what I am able to...
My journey...continues...

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

~Struggle...Verse Kyuu~

Heh, the Ribbon is too pink and cute too handle
Mere melodies and words drive me mad
Just melodies and words...I'm already this insane
Heh...add in a little outer shell appeal moves
The emo-meter just breaks open to the skies and space

Arrrgh! I must stay sane.
Staying in control tires me
Im fatigued
My spirit is now as low as ever
But...I must fight it...my kage...
I...must...for the oath still stands
I don't know if the one I pledged my oath to has descended or not...

But whether she is here or not
It doesn't matter
The oath must be kept
Its been broken many more times...the kage veses were just mere fragments of it...
Dakara...not even one more...I won't break it again...
Even if it would destroy me...
I'll let everything go...to keep this promise

Void...my heart is empty now...
Only the oath remains
The pain of letting go is...unbearable
It is...heavy...
But...I must go...for my Bell.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

~Struggle...Verse Hachi~

So...passed the 4 day trial did I?
Then I will try 5...
Ugh...this omoi again...

Should I release...or endure?

Do I long soo much to see my garden again?
Maybe... but I must endure
I must stay strong...

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

~Struggle...Verse Nana~

Now...nijyuuichinichi...
Ato mikka ka...
Ore wa dekirunoka?
Disablers are all over
Can I survive?

Ugh...this omoi again...
This itami!
Shitsukoindayo!

Sigh...what more is there to be said?
Just stay sane
And do what I must...

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

~Struggle...Verse Roku~

Ah...my heart becomes unstable
Heavy and light kept on changing
Many elements mixed together...
Chaos
Confusion

There was frustration
Longing
Sadness
Anger
Confusion
Guilt
What was the start of all this?

Perhaps it is hard for me to obtain the answer
For who I am now
Who understands nothing

But now...I am at peace...
A bit..wavered
But I'm ok...for now...

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

~Struggle...Verse Go~

Tis a sad struggle
A lost soul, weak and void
Struggling to the path shown
With guidance, yes but...
I am weak...very weak...

Ah...4 days to go...
I must hold on...
Keep my sanity
Now my physical appearence tires
My spirit grow sleepy

I just hope...I will make it to the end safely like I should....
For what I know...
For what I have...
Please...
Let me cross that bridge safely
Together...
With the others of the same path as me...

Oh, tis a pain...
Outer shells hypnotizes me...
Can I stay sane?
I am drawn to it...
The blossoms...

Pink cherry blossom yet with a hidden dash of scarlet, hidden? Maybe...
The taken gold rose...
The yellow sunflower...so radiant and kind...
Scarlet rose...as graceful as the wind, and strong of its natural essence...
The poised violet hibiscus, a valkrie on stage...
The forgotten orange lily...
Pure white Bell Flower..that ichirin no hana...I bowed to it once...spontaneously

Ugh...my mind drifts as I dwell in this garden
Sweet scenting...yet
Illusions of deceit...they may be...

Perhaps I should use something to distract my soul...
Something that has been a part of me for many years...
Not like these new garden of blossoms...
Yes...
I shall march...and fight myself...
Even if it does not look like I am fighting it...
Ore wa...tatakaimasu...jibun wo mamoru tameni...

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

~Toki no Kizu...Verse Ichi~

What was the start of all this?
Aitsura wa...damasareta
Jya...ore mo?

Today...I fell....lost
Lost in the maze of time...
Bored...

Heck, I have no time to be bored
The burden on me for what I know and have...
It is heavy...
I have no time to falter
No time to be bored

I know my purpose...
I just sometimes forget
With the distractions here and there
I am weak...thats why
Hope to be stronger...
Ore no negai...
I know what I must do...

There is only but one purpose for this sinful soul
Repentence
Atonement
To keep doing good deeds
So that one day...I will know...
If I am forgiven...
Or not...

Since I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over
Ore wa baka na ningen...
Tsuyoku ni naritai...

I must endure...until I crossed that bridge...

Thursday, November 23, 2006

~Struggle...Verse Shi~

Yare2...
My hands are trembling
My head wavers
My heart stumbles and shakes
My heart struggles to break the boundaries of good
Yet the holy chains entangle it
Still it struggled

More and more
The mere blossom bacame more than mediocre
Outer shells...
Though I say I shall not be blinded
I was still under the indirect spell
Which blinds me
Turns me berserk...

Yes, for an instant
I became a berserker
Struggling in the holy chains
I became to lose my sanity
I know not why

My heart now lightens not
It is getting heavier
The mass increases
Spiritually
Nazeda?
I....cannot forget...the mesmerizing and shocking shell...
Should I move...if I dare?

Im sleeping in sorrow
All alone in ice and snow
In my dream...
I struggle...
Chained...

How much longer will I stay sane?
I will just have to fight it...
Until either Hikari...or Kage...
Emerge Victorious...
Please...give me a little more courage...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

~Struggle...Verse San~

Painful...
It hurts...
I do not know how long I will stay sane...
Maybe like last time...after I switch off this monitor
I will lose again...
Saa...
I know nothing...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

~Struggle...Verse Ni~

The imbalance emotions still sway me
When will my hunger stop?
Guess it never will...
I will just have to face it.
Faced it I did...for now...

Heh...
It was...after all an all out assault on me
And with a bit of "That"...I was shaking!
Still I had my senses...barely
Thank God I'm still sane...

But, I do not know what I'll become...
After I switch off this monitor...
Will it be demonic? Or angelic?
Saa....
Ore wa...nani mo wakattenei...

Ah...
The blossoms are so nice,
I cannot even touch...
If I touch....
They will wither by my sinful hands...
And I also...
Become more demented...
Or will it be the other road around?
Heh...how can I know?
Is that enough a reason for me to go?
Well, it depends on me...and fate...

Has my tuffs of feathers grown?
Enough to fly to where not many know yet they should?
Maybe I need to collect my feathers first...
Scattered...unknown
My journey continues...untill its destined time...

Saturday, October 28, 2006

~Struggle...Verse Ichi~

Hmph...it never ceases its attacks
All I can do is pray
For strenght, wisdom and faith

Guess I should get a move on
Before it strikes again
Sigh...why at a time like this?
My heart wishes for the blossoms
That I parted with not long ago...
Why?
What is this pain?

Just now...
I survived a bit...
What now?
Pain of longing?
Heck others suffered more
And here I am babbling over something
Something so little

Maybe
Just maybe
I was taught to be true
To be honest to my heart
My own soul
So even a slight falter
Is an important sign

Well if I really do long...
I should not wait
That is what a genthlemen does, no?
Then again...
I do have honour that controls
So that I would not stray
But I guess
I should not worry
I have reinforcements
Just in case if I stray and run wild
So...I shall make my move...?

Though I know nothing
Of where and what I am aiming
Should I wait untill I know?

Or should I...press on?