My, my what a blessing.
Let this song mark a glorious holy day for my life!
To receive such blessing!
After 1.5 years, it came.
To us who received it, light!
This soul is unworthy of such honour.
Yet embrace it I will.
And continue this life on.
The eleventh of this holy period.
Let us remember for those who know
And realize for those who don't.
The sacrifice.
The suffering.
We wouldn't be here if not for her.
The first to say he was true,
When others say he was wrong.
A woman whose emotions did not clouded her judgment
A pure beauty, loving mother who raised heroic senshis.
Let us remember...for without her, we are nothing.
A supporter for the cause.
Mere taunts of imbeciles are useless to belittle her.
Like insects trying to crush mountains with their puny breath.
One who is already there.
While we stay here swayed with useless toys.
Remember...for she does not desire our omois.
Nor our deeds.
In fact, it is us who desire for her light.
Remember...
Remember...
Even if our deeds are a mere speck compared to hers
Even if we cant compare to him.
Remember, we are together with those who we love.
Its been too long
I missed that feeling
Haha...so we must begin by emptying our hearts huh?
Emptying it besides our master
Difficult...but...we have to do it
Too cast away this world from our hearts
That is soo difficult
Yet, it must be done
So...we are slaves to those we love...
So...we must not let the world make us its steed...
But make the world our steed...
My, my...so many things I learned today...
And a new ordeal begins...
Or should I put it...
The long forgotten abandoned struggle rises again...
The struggle to fight my kage...it is...difficult...
My, my,
Tis a blessed week, no?
That place, its sole purpose was for that
Therefore the impossible became possible
Processions went like river
And so...
An honoured guest
More purification for me
How lucky I am
The effects? Saane...its either here, now, later...or there...
Yes...the first day was there...
Traded with the petals of the past
Second...or third?
The hometown that is really home...
The third...my own place...just a short visit though...but worthwhile...
So...where shall this lost soul traverse through next?
What is written for me after this?
Heh, I have not the right to wonder, yes?
And so my life goes on...
Ah...it hurts...
So...a burden on these weak shoulders...
For A Yonjyuunidaime...
My hikari...doubles...
But my kage...also doubles...
A trial for me...
What of them? The blossoms?
Do they share the blood I have?
If it is fated...yes...
Heh...this month is a month of celebration!
Rejoice and tell stories of our beloved!
Sing the qasidahs! Read the mauluds!
Heed the call!
I know not what to write
Just the usual...
The reason I am here
The reason why I go back
This is the reason
My, my guess I am not allowed to write anything today
Just to record that it happened today
Very well then...I bid you my leave
This is why I always comeback here
For enlightenment
Purification
So many things...yet I know not how to convey
Must I convey? Qualified I am not...
The surface?
The relations of...
The heart and quotes...
Should I put it that way?
I need my Book of Wisdom, First Class for this
***
Those who sujud but their hearts do not
These fanaq eyes cannot see what is baqa
Good thing his wife is not like ours, were dead if she is like them =_="
I am being watched
There are 2 types of loyaty
What is sah is not necessarily accepted, what is accepted...comfirm sah
All that we see...brings us to our master
***
A few random notes
For me and those who are chosen
Till next time. Salam.
Today...or should I say last day?
Fufufu...anyways...
Heh...the second majlis at my home
But the first class at my home...
On the first and third sunday of every moon
Heh...now what?
I learned a lot...
Those words...those words...
They pierced my dark cascades in my heart
I felt like my dirty soul was touched by light
Yes...we were talking about him...our beloved
Or rather...being taught about him...
The first chapter of his perfectness
His body structure...how he looked like
Should I elaborate here?
Hmmm....neah, can mere mortals comprehend?
Well simple verses, yes...but heart verses?
Heck I should keep this in myself...
I don't think I'm qualified to teach
I might explain it differently
My soul is not as pure as my Sheikh
Oh well I'll just keep on blabbering to myself
Oh yes....then it was that kitab
Hikam Abi Madyan.....no?
Heh...yes...very complex indeed...
I wonder how high my tress's sprout is...
Oh yeah! I haven't finished what I must do everyday yet!
Gotta go
And finish that 313 verses
*************************************************************************************************
Ah...done.
Heh...I got so many flashes of memories
Memoirs of My Bell...
During that time...
Is this fated?
Is this the answer?
Or just another Devil's Maw?
Heck what am I thinking?
No way it could intervene during those holy moments
So...is this the answer?
Is she My Bell that I was searching for?
I'll leave it to you, master...to decide for me.
You know who's the up most best for me...
Choose for me...the one you and your lover redhas
Heh...my mind is drunk even now...
Is this the answer?
Maybe it is.
I may just be a coward all this while...
Guess I'll just tread lightly in this blizzard.
If that is my destination...boku no unmei...
I'll have no choice but to heed...
Ne...yondeirunoka? Kono entry
Ore...iya. Boku...konna kotoba wo tsutaite hoshi...
"Ya My Bell, Innii Uhibbuka..." and the verse goes on in the "musalsal"...
I felt somewhat calm at that time
It has been a while since I felt so good.
I guess I have no need to doubt my path now
A loving one will be loved by the dwellers of the sky...
Ah...those were one of the early teachings that I learned...no?
And now...well...effort is the only thing I have...no?
I need not worry about petty pains in my heart
I have greater business to settle
I'll leave it to you master
My life is in your hands
And then...It came again...
Tch...how I miserably gave in...
And so began the holiest day of the week
Surprisingly...
As it were fated...
I met one of the direct descendants...
Oh what a joy!
Is this a sign?
Saa ne...and my day continues...
In this new year...
Much I learned...
I know not where to begin...
You are...the briger of good news...
The bringer of peace...
May you be given the highest rank and title in heaven...
For heaven without you...
Is an empty vessel...
Today...another kitab launched...
Youre perfectness...
I shall indulge...for guidance
Please allow me to understand it...
Too many things...yet I know not what I must write...what I must not...
Oh peace and blessing be upon him...
I too hope to be with you in heaven...
Oh peace and blessing be upon you...
Gained...no this is a matter not to be said...no?
Heck its been a while
Peace and war switched hand in hand
Many losses...yes
The new base has been forged
And the opening was good
Holy, twice
Two days after the rampage
Came another subtle rage
Man, how weak can I get?
How much more will I do?
How much...how much did these hands do?
Saa ne...
It is too much already to count...
Heh...what did I remember?
Still vague...I just remembered...
"Love as my basic"
The others...I'm not sure
Better not state if Its vague
Well, the war goes on
Life goes on
Tis a sad thing...
Some said "He" is dead...
Pity...for they do not know...
Ah...yes...
Tis a peaceful and holy time now....no?
Not that single day one!
10 days...
Even if my body is not there...
Please...at least...
Allow my soul to be there...with at least some faith left
Nanka...hanshinsuruna
Omoshiroi...
I rarely put effort into my works
But this time...
Well once in a while is OK I guess
It is after all...
Close to me...
No?
Guess this is what I get
For what I had done...
But...is this enough?
Perhaps this is the beginning...
Or maybe I am treated softly
Softer than a mother's touch...
To her child...
My mind is empty
Listening to the sad melancholic melody
Of the memories of the body
That cannot be erased...
Sad...
Yet what I want to write is not that...
But something else...
I am still recollecting...
Guess it is not meant to be...
Well, in that case...
Something else...
Something different...
Heh,
The flowers are nice...
Yet am I strong enough to pluck and care for them?
Heh, the light came a bit in my mind...
But still vague...
Guess this sinful soul is not allowed to speak much...for now...
Yet my heart yearns to speak of it...
The poems...of faith for commoners...
Yes...that was it,
Through a dream...
57 verses all together...
I must memorise them someday...
It was only the prologue in that place...
Yet my evil eye and heart yearned to see...
What rarely appears in those holy sessions...
But the rare bloom was not there...
I should be thankful...
I know not what I would be doing now
If I saw it
Has my heart sujud?
Only me and my master knows
If I did...
This farewell would be a meaningful one
Making me immune
To the shadows that are near freedom
But...did I?
The last witir...
The long qunud
What was I doing?
"Strugle to the circle
Once in,
You are protected"
"That night is for the weaklings"
Like me
Did I grasped it?
Tch...and how many shadows already struck?
Even where the origins were imprisoned
The mark remains
I was too weak
Even just now...
But it was a close one, no?
And now...
We will part from peace
I will be lurked by shadows again...
Will I survive?
Ya Karim!
Protect me...
I am a weak slave of yours...
I know nothing
I have nothing
With the nobleness of your beloved...
Protect me...the Yonjyuunidaime...
For without you...
I am lost...
Ore wa...mayoinagara...
17th sacred moon
The day the differs
Truth or false
313...against threefolds or more...
The One prays first
Others went to fight
The sahabat went to fight
Came back
Still he prays
He went back
Fought
Came back
Still he prays
For our victory
If we fell that day
We would not be today
Then the Holy Leader went
Getting ready
With glory
Strenght of heart
It was all that matters
Not weapons nor numbers
On his three sides
The Death Bringer
The Bringer of Rezekh
And the Leader of them all
Only those who are allowed to see
Can see
And layers of thousands
Holy wings were ready
Only this war
They fought
Weapons from Hell
They weilded
They aided us
Tis such a long story
This verse
Let us stop now
And continue next time...
If it is allowed...
Those who participated...
Those warriors...
Heaven for them
It is certain
No doubt about that
~Yonjyuunidaime~
The 11th day
Of the holy crescent
The day we lost someone
"I will love those who love her"
Her wits are unmatched
From the beginning of this world
Till the end of time
Love,
Even if we give the whole world
We feel nothing
And if we receive even the smallest gift
We treasure it with all our heart
We give
Not because they want
It is a symbol of love.
She sacrificed a lot...
Without her
We are nothing...
The mother of the masters
All we can do is cherish her deeds
Do good deeds
And give its blessings to her
She was wise...
She knew how to distinguish
Whether it was a devil
Or an angel
She sacrificed
Even before the divinity descended
We know where she will go...
It is already proven
She took care of the children
That became our warriors
The sheilded our stand
"They are between me and the one that is eternal"
Said the door
The door to knowledge and wisdom
We should love them... his family
For with only love
Shall our deeds reach
What it should reach in the first place
Orewa...Yonjyunidaimeda...
Shall I find one like me too?
Well, I am powerless
Ill leave it
To the one that controls love
To decide
Who is the one for me
For as long as
I have their blessings...
It is fine by me...
For loving is rezekh...
It is given
Not attained
It is a blessing
~Yonjyunidaime~
Nothing can be acheived with the mind
Nothing at all
It is pointless
Love,
The heart,
It is all that matters
The price is too much
In order ta attain
What we should really get
A tired body,
Eyes that never tasted sleep,
A heart that never forgets
Tis a hard life
This road is
Filled with thorns, hills and mountains
I am weak...but I know
What lies in the end
Those who know
Might do the same
But knowing is not the same as feeling...
Therefore...ore wa...
Nanimo wakattenai...
Tis an honour
To receive one after another
This time
It was the khiqah...
Though I am not worthy to receive it...
It is done for the blessings
May this lost and weak soul
Be guided...
By the one that reigns supreme
Over all other...
The learning never ends...
Light shines over darkness
In this holy lunar shine
Tis not notes that matter
Its the heart
Love...
Without it
Everything is meaningless
All your doing
Is meaningless
Tis a blessing
To obtain this special love
Much more holy
Than what normal mortals feel
It is special...words cannot decipher
It is hard to understand
Those words...
Those kalam
Of the loved ones
The mind cannot comprehend
We need guidance to understand those
Guidance by those who walk the same road
I hope I can...
Knowledge and wisdom....
Our efforts mean nothing
We must sink...deep...very deep
In to the abyss
Of the one
That controls fate and destiny
That will open the door...if we are allowed to do so...
Yesterday's wound still hurt
But it came so quickly...
I was happy
To attain something not everyone can obtain
Wisdom and Guidance
I felt my shadow slowly,
Returned into the abyss
I was guided by that holy light,
Bright and strong
It easily destroyed my shadow
Felt that hope was still there
I can proceed my battles
To win this war
To survive this prison
And then move a step further
Beyond what I do not know much about
I must stay cautious....
Where there is light,
Darkness lurks at every corner.
**********************************************************
Today,
I was torned
Light, or the unknown?
Somehow I was allowed to go
Into the unknown
I was not invited,
But I felt that I am a part of it,
Since I missed the light...
Might as well make myself usefull.
Around me were milk and coal...
I was....different.
I did not trusted
That which was glimpsed through my heart
Nevertheless, t
is a joyful thing
Wheather good or bad....
It is not for me to decide
This soul feels strange,
Guilt
Sorrow
Confusion
Pain
Tis a fool I am...
I still have much to learn,
Yoroshikutanomu.
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